Monday, April 1, 2013

36 Things About Me

So last week was my birthday. I used to hate birthdays. All through my twenties, I thought it was just terrible that I was growing old. But now that I'm in my thirties, I say, bring it on. I can't wait to get old. Like, old old. I hope I live to be 100. You can get away with anything when you're 100. And no expectations. Congratulations for being alive. That's all you get, every day. I wish someone would congratulate me for being alive every day at 36. Also, it doesn't bother me if you know I am 36. The only thing that would be better is if I were 63. Can't wait for that day.

Anyway, in the spirit of who-really-cares-anyway, here are 36 things you might or might not know about me. I know, these lists went out of style in 2007. But I'm bringing 'em back, baby! Who really cares anyway?

1. Well, I guess I just said this, but I'm excited to get old.
2. Cause when you're old, anything goes.
3. I'm hoping for a catheter.
4. I'm the only person I know (besides a few of my sisters), who wants a catheter.
5. One of my favorite things about being in the hospital having a baby is that I get to have a catheter. When the nurse comes to take it out afterward, I'm always like, "No, I'm good. Check back in a while." I try to put them off until the nurses change shifts and forget about it. I've gone a solid 24 hours without having to get up to use the bathroom in the hospital before.
6. What could be better than never having to get up from your bed to use the bathroom?
7. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't want a catheter. Makes no sense.
8. My mom is going to be really embarrassed that I am writing about catheters on my blog.
9. Switching topics, I really love to play the piano.
10. My goal is to learn to play the organ and play in sacrament meeting by the time I'm 40 (that will redeem me in my mom's eyes).
11. It terrifies me to play in front of people and I think that's why I want to do it so badly. I have to conquer this fear.
12. I've been playing the piano in Primary for over a year now, and it is my favorite calling ever.
13. I'm still not good at it, and I consider it a success if I can make it through the Hello song, which we sing every week, without too many mistakes.
14. I'm really scared to have five kids.
15. I keep telling myself if I can get through this next year with a new baby, I can do anything.
16. I love newborns. I don't care about the sleepless nights or looking like death. Newborns are so precious to me.
17. The age I struggle with most is the "newly mobile" stage, around seven to fifteen months. Please, for the love of humanity, just sit there for a few minutes and stop putting crap in your mouth.
18. Although I'm sad my kids are getting older, I love going through all the new phases of life with them.
19. I beg my kids to tell me who they have crushes on, because I remember all my grade school crushes, from kindergarten through jr. high. Every year I had at least one true love. I don't think a single one of them ever liked me back. Good thing, because I'm pretty sure half of them are in prison now. I guess I shouldn't say that, because maybe I could have done them some good in their lives. But most likely, I would just be in prison with them by now, had we ended up together.
20. I love and support my husband in everything he does, even if I don't like it (I'm looking at you, hunting).
21. But I'm glad my husband and boys have something that keeps them close and gives them something to do together.
22. I think one of my greatest talents is making fun of hunting. It is probably the thing that comes the easiest to me of everything I do.
23. For one thing, there is a never-ending source of material.
24. For another thing, it makes NO sense.
25. It's not like I'm against it, really, I just don't understand it. I'm trying though... You want to kill an animal, why? Okay. Why not.
26. I really admire my husband's drive and motivation for hunting. He does not give up on his goals. While his aspiration in life is to slay all 20-something species of big game animals with a bow, mine is simply to not have to get out of bed at night to use the bathroom. He will probably be successful. I won't. I really need to be more like him.
27. I'm a pretty reserved person and I don't speak up as much as I should. Probably because I'm usually thinking about things like the ones on this list, and I know people will think I'm weird if I spout them off.
28. Stuff stresses me out. I have an overwhelming urge to throw away everything in my house on a daily basis.
29. I used to think I loved to organize. Now I realize the less stuff I have, the less I need to organize. It's easier to keep track of 2 things than 227 things. Duh!
30. Yes, this does mean I need things I threw away last week.
31. I don't care. I'm still happier without it.
32. Of all the clean things I love, clean kids are my favorite. I love just-out-of-the-bath, squeaky clean kids. Even if it doesn't last very long.
33. I think almost every bad mood can be cured by a good bath.
34. I've always dreamed of driving an El Camino. Possibly living in one.


35. See how useful they are? Now I'm going to be thinking about El Caminos all day.
36. Being old is going to be awesome. In the 2070s I'm totally going to be driving my El Camino around with all my grandkids in the back and telling them how I was born in the 1970s. I might even go as far as putting a camper shell on the back. Oh yeah, and don't forget the catheter. I'll never even have to pull over.


Stacy Moss said...

This is awesome. and how did you get so lucky to get a catheter? They would come in and manually drain my bladder...which was super awkward.

Emily said...

I'm totally sharing this post. Love it. And happy birthday!

Rudy Rukus said...

That is so funny. I agree with everything but the El Camino and only because I have a theory that all owners of el caminos are child molesters. Mainly because my molester drove one teehee!

Anonymous said...

I have never read your blog but then saw Emily post about it and oh man can I just say...Thank you for a great laugh! I love your style and personality :)

Laura said...

My cousin is awesome. This post was fantastic! Happy birthday and thanks for being so hilarious!

Tammy Renzi said...

What a writing style - engaging and hysterical, Ann Marie. I love how you said you should be more like your husband because you will never not get out of bed during the night.

I have to thank you or not for writing about catheters because now CJ will be talking about it all weekend! :)

Tara said...

OH MY HELL-you are hilarious! I almost peed my pants. Where was my catheter while reading this blog? LOL! And I totally agree with #19- I ask Alec all the time about crushes. Ahh-Bryan Hurley, how I loved you for 4 years and still wonder if you ever you ever really "like liked" me when we were "going out". I also love to throw away anything. The kids think I'm mean cuz they show me their "artwork" from school and it ends up in le garbage. Ahh, Anne Marie, you slay me. We need to hang out.

T+J said...

haha, oh ampy, you're my hero. this was so funny. I thought about you yesterday when I had a hunger sneeze. we just understand each other. I don't speak out much either, as we've discussed, and I don't really care! I loved this post, as I love all of them. Maybe I should do 29 things about me for my recent birthday. hmmm... we shall see. ok, love u, bye!

Jill said...

I'm really hoping no one heard my REALLY loud snort-laughter as I was reading this at work this quiet afternoon. Oops. Happy birthday, like a month and a half ago. And I also have a not-secret desire to be old.

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